Click HERE for wise advice!

Click HERE for wise advice!

For every item on this list you complete, an angel will get his wings.

An Invitation.

At an event last night, a poem was read that resonated so strongly within my heart that I had to share. I contacted the poet this morning and got permission to post the piece. Even though these words were written by another, they put into words feelings I couldn’t have articulated nearly as well.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been working, going to school, and standing through a year that tried its best to knock me down. Moments like last night, listening to a beautiful soul read this poem, are like raindrops that wash me clean. I hope you are as touched by Oriah’s words as I was.  I’m glad to be back.

Peace, Friends.

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah from her book, THE INVITATION (c)1999. Published by HarperONE,
San Francisco. All rights reserved. Presented with permission of the
author. http://www.oriah.org

“…and dance by the light of the moon.”

You can do it.

“Be the buffalo. Wilma Mankiller, the first female principal chief of the Cherokee nation, once told me how the cow runs away from the storm while the buffalo charges directly toward it–and gets through it quicker. Whenever I’m confronted with a tough challenge, I do not prolong the torment. I become the buffalo.”

~Donna Brazile, rules to live by.

There are a number of people in my world right now who are going through some challenges: challenges in growth, change, health, emotional difficulties, and the like.  While I’m no poster child for living wisely, this subject in particular is one upon which I can speak, and maybe it can offer a little guidance or encourage  someone who’s on one precipice or another and is afraid.  In a nutshell, the fear you feel will not go away until you face it head on.

The quote above from political commentator/campaign strategist Donna Brazile is something I read in Oprah magazine. Its organic truth struck such a chord of authenticity within me that I tore the page out of the magazine. It’s been sitting here next to my computer for many weeks now, while I wondered how I was going to use it. Today it hit me; sharing the example of the buffalo might help some of my friends who are struggling. If you are reading this and know someone who needs to read this and share this post, maybe someone you know can turn a challenging situation into an opportunity to grow, to live honestly, and be finally free of the prison that running from challenge can become.

It took me a long time to become a ‘buffalo gal.’ Before I began to live authentically (which means allowing myself to feel the unpleasantness that discord often bestows), I was not myself. I was afraid of conflict, so I held in feelings that should have been shared. I was afraid I had nowhere to go, so I stayed in a place where I was not safe. I was a broken spirit and spent many a year locked in my room with a beautiful cat (see a previous post), my books, and my stash of Virginia Slims Menthol. I literally lost much of my teenage years to nicotine and self-imposed solitude. Came out of the fortress to go to school and work. I married a  man who helped me through some ‘interesting’ times while I was becoming me, supported me as I started counseling,  and also let me know that I wasn’t crazy to have the feelings I had. The marriage didn’t last, but my gratitude for his understanding at the beginning of my healing process endures to this day. As well as for the child who resulted from our marriage (see another previous post). I was well into adulthood by the time I first charged into the storm (even though I’ve always loved thunderstorms).

Here’s what, in continuing with the Oprah theme, I know for sure:

*that hiding from problems do not make them go away. Keeping your voice unheard to avoid conflict provokes an inner  battle-which causes a lot more damage than any heated conversation ever could.

*That by not speaking up, you are sending a neon-lit message- “I do not matter. You have my permission to take all the power. Go ahead and bleed me dry.” Except you do matter! And you have the right to feel that you matter.

*That pretending you’re okay when you’re not, or allowing others to pretend you’re okay when you’re not, is NOT okay.   You don’t have to shriek about your mistreatment from the mountaintops, and don’t under any circumstances martyr  yourself (the only one even remotely interested in your martyrdom will be you). If you need to voice your  discomfort, you also have the right to do so.

*The lightning will illuminate your path and its spark will ignite a flame of strength-the power to keep going.

*The rain will nourish your spirit.

*The wind from the storm will very quickly be at your back, and you’ll find yourself on the other side, tired-but more at peace.

*That some tasks in life are tough. That old band-aid analogy rings true. You’ve got to just go to work, keep working and  get it done quickly. Especially the unpleasant stuff, because pulling life’s band-aid off a millimeter at a time just allows  you  to feel the sting of each yanked out arm hair-one excruciating follicle at a time, for a very, very long time.

When you charge straight into the discomfort–be it a difficult conversation, dealing with the realities of living on your own for the first time, be it getting the help you need to survive, admitting to and feeling your insecurities, be it standing up for yourself, standing up for what’s right, making an unpopular decision, facing the fact that your way of life just isn’t working for you and there are changes you need to make, or be it just finally allowing yourself to feel the unease or the pain or the grief in a situation–THAT’S when you get your reward. And like Wilma Mankiller said, you’ll get the reward much quicker. The reward? Your peace of mind and heart. Your confidence. Your self-worth. Your Compassion. Your sanity. Your life-in messy, noisy, vibrant Technicolor.

As long as you’re running away from what you have to, eventually, get through, you are not just prolonging the stress, you’re extending the duration of your suffering, and in some cases the suffering of others as well. And if you never turn around and charge into the storm, you will always wish you had.

You do have the courage. You can do this. There are people in your life cheering you on. I’m one of them.

CHARGE!

(and once you get into the storm, stop for a second and lift your arms and face to the rain.)

Peace, friends.

Paws to reflect

“Life is life – whether in a cat, or dog or man. There is no difference there between a cat or a man. The idea of difference is a human conception for man’s own advantage.”

~Sri Aurobindo

Shelters are filled to overflowing with sad and frightened animals. The suffering they experience in the bleakness of their cages, their grief at being separated from their humans, their babies, or their mothers, their confusion and fear just before their ‘euthanization–’ all of those energies are released into the universe, enlarging the dark cloud that hovers over not just humanity but all beings. The pain we feel (or avoid by changing the channel and burying our heads) when that dog-gone (yes, intended) Sarah Mclachlan commercial comes on and makes us cry-that is an organic, authentic, primordial cosmic hint:  we can do better for our planet-mates. We must do better.

ending their nightmares, one animal at a time.

I have come, through the magic of Facebook, to know a peaceful warrior by the name of DJ Chandler. I would only mangle her bio if I tried, but if you’re curious, no doubt you can find her online. I was inspired to share her with you because she is personally responsible for the diminishment of the toxic cloud of confusion due to her tireless efforts to find forever homes for shelter animals on Death Row. She organizes people to pull the animals from high-kill shelters, shows us how to contribute to their veterinary expenses, finds foster homes,  and arranges animal transport from shelter to vet to foster to new home. She has also rescued and fostered countless dogs, cats, and horses herself.

Their physical injuries are mended. Their fears are (sometimes very slowly and painstakingly) allayed. Their sadness is loved away. The cloud dissipates just a little more as each cat starts to purr again, as each dog puts his head on his new human’s knee for the first time and looks up with trepidation and-wavering-trust.

They all look like my Daryl.

no caption necessary.

DJ uses the internet to post, re-post, and crosspost pictures and stories of these animals. As the word gets out, people offer to pull an animal from a shelter, or to contribute to the vet care, or take any of the other steps it takes to save a baby such as the one on the right, or the kittens on the left. I’m sure there’s so much more involved in what she does, and perhaps she can share in a comment to this post.  She has brought my attention to an organization called A Shelter Friend, to which I have contributed. Visit the website:  http://ashelterfriend.org to learn of ways you can help.  There is also a Vet clinic which takes care of animals pulled from a notoriously inhumane shelter in Robeson, NC.  The web address to the clinic, should you wish to contribute to the shelter animal veterinary fund, is:  http://www.southrobesonvet.com/ Give them a call and tell them you want to contribute.  My favorite shelter is Our Companions Domestic Animal Shelter; the link is on the side of this page. If you do nothing else, PLEASE spay and neuter so as to prevent the births of hundreds of animals who could end up grieving and terrified in a shelter one day.

Daryl and Chloe.

I’m going to close with pictures of my current furry roommates; we got Chloe from a local rescue, and Daryl was born in a box outside the lunchroom of the school where I teach.

Daryl-from box to bowl.

Not only did their adoption into our world alleviate their stress which has the sun peeking over the toxic cloud, but the joy they’ve brought into this house, and our laughter at their antics have blown a good part of that cloud to smithereens. But it’s nothing compared to the difference my friend DJ has made, and continues to make, tirelessly, every day. Thanks, DJ, for building a rainbow behind the cloud. Someday all shelters will be no-kill, and we’ll have an unobstructed view!

“The human spirit is not dead. It lives on in secret…. It has come to believe that compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind.”

~Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize address, “The Problem of Peace in the World Today”

Peace, friends (those with and without paws)

Got fair?

The joy of my life.

“Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you.”

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Wow. I’ve had this quote saved on my desktop for a while now. I ponder it, put it down. Pick it back up, then drop it like a hot coal.  Does my kid think of me when he thinks of fairness and integrity? Do I really want to know what words/concepts/emotions make him think of me?  or what words/concepts/emotions are conjured when he thinks of me? Do ANY of us parents want that particular truth laid bare?

I know a lot of things about my parenting skills. I know that despite being an expert in the field of child development, no experience or education prepares me for how to react when I see pain in those blue eyes which so exactly mirror mine. Nothing prepared me for the joy I feel when someone tells me how great they think he is.  Nothing kept me from being easy on him when most likely I shouldn’t have. Nothing keeps my heart from melting when I see his room-brightening grin. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, and I’ve done a lot that seems to have worked.

And I have learned…….

……that he’s not going to grow up on my schedule, but on his. I can help or hinder this process, but cannot force it.

…..that while very occasionally I only did the best I felt like doing, most of the time I have done my absolute very best. Even when he hated my best.

…..that everyone finds their way eventually. And letting him find the way when it involves some angst or some consequences? Gotta do it. Gotta sit back and watch, and then cry behind a closed door if I must.

…..that there really is no greater love on earth than a mother has for her child.

What do I hope he thinks of when he thinks of me? I hope he knows:

…..that I will always love him exactly the way he is.

…..that he’s the whole enchilada with extra sour cream and guac.

…..that I will always love him no matter what.

…..that fairness and integrity are part of my parenting package.

…..that he is safe from emotional harm.

…..that even when I selfishly fall into the  “after all I’ve done for you!” speech, he knows that no sacrifice was too big, no battle regretted, no effort wasted; he’s worth it.

…..that I appreciate his wit and talent and brilliance; I know that he’ll be a world-changer—in HIS own way, not mine (though hopefully his progressive thinking will continue…..).

And yes, more than anything, I hope he thinks of fairness and integrity when he thinks of me.

That alone will fill my spirit with Peace.

Hopefully he will move out into the world carrying some of that Peace in his spirit as well.

Peace, friends.

I love you, Eric.